Manly Tears? Men Don’t Cry, and So They Should
Crying is Healthy, Crying is Normal, and Crying is Human
One of the firmest ideas that are planted in the minds of young boys is that — men do not cry. Although some tears are excusable, like crying at the mother’s funeral, a man shedding a tear irrevocably links ‘him’ to be weak. Young men find it challenging to contradict this myth. Varun* iterates, ‘I had never seen or heard my father, grandfather or great grandfather cry. Every time I cried, I felt like I was putting my family’s masculinity at stake.’ Varun isn’t the only one. Young men are groomed into thinking that weakness and scrutiny are intertwined in acts that express emotion. The masculinity of a real man has evolved and conditioned itself into what we hardly consider to be odd. This trend reflects how stigmatized mental health and mental health services appeal to men.
According to WHO, men are twice as likely to die by suicide than women. Crying is healing, not just for the sexes but all genders. Modern views on masculinity are divided, where one stratum of society believes that men must “man up” and tears must be reserved for very selective occasions only. There is also a sidelined group that is appreciative of men showing emotions. It is startling to see how we view masculinity today in contrast to how the Ancient Greeks considered shedding a tear to be the true sign of masculinity. PsychCentral says, ‘Tears have a central function in our body. There are three different kinds of tears — basal, reflex and emotional, and they each serve a distinct function.’ Harvard Researchers have also established how crying releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones, which help alleviate both physical and mental pain. It helps one heal, rallies support, recover from grief as well as restore emotional balance and well-being.
American Psychological Association states that an average man cried 5–17 times compared to an average woman who cried 30-64 times a year. The statistics are not startling as we as a society have doomed men for ages on grounds of emotional health. Showing emotions does not make one vulnerable. It is a sign that one is capable of feeling and acknowledging those feelings. How we are used to viewing masculinity is scarred by a patriarchal lens which works against men themselves. It should not have been absurd to see my own father shed a few tears when I was leaving home. It should have been normal. To any man reading this, it is alright.
Cry.
Express.
It does not make you any less of a man.
It makes you a stronger version of yourself.
*name changed for privacy concerns
Nandini Chakrabarti is a writer and poet. She believes strongly in the art and power of storytelling. Nandini has co-authored multiple poetry and short-story anthologies and is currently working on her debut novel. Nandini is an empath, bearing a passion for films, communication studies, chess, understanding the complexities of being a human and creating an equal ground for children.
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